In the last year of my mindfulness practice I have had to learn humility. As the years go on we can lose sight of even the most basic principles of our spiritual practices. For me mindfulness and meditation have become apart of my life. Not to say that I live my life like a monk but the acknowledgment of the present moment is a day to day practice for me even if it is for only a few seconds or minutes each day and Meditation is second nature even if it is more of a routine than an act of personal transcendence.
This year had seen me really address the trauma in my life that I have not previously been ready to look at. This has seen me revisit my history with addiction, look at my co-dependant tendencies in relationships and explore my challenges with racism and privilege just to name a few areas of insight. But no matter how much work I do im continually reminded of the simple act of being humble. For me this means not knowing all the answers to my issues. In fact if I trying to figure everything out in my life I find that it comes from a place of needing security. Which in itself is a natural human driver, but when we are dealing with complex emotional and interpersonal issues sometimes the act of just being willing to look at things is all we can do.
I find that being humble and not needing to know all the answers. Or knowing that im still very much a student if not a novice in many areas of my life loosens up my self-judgement so I can experience and move through whatever emotions and realizations that I need to move through in the moment. This has been very important for me when it has comes to dealing with trauma in the body. Although there is a lot of of complexity when dealing with trauma. I find that the simple act of being ok with not being perfect of ‘fixed’ brings a sense of humility and compassion.
If im not embracing this attitude im always looking to feel the sensations and judgments from a place of trying to fix. This is accompanied by a sense of urgency because I don’t want to be where I am and I feel that I shouldn’t be where I am at this point in my life. So for me humility isn’t a passive act it is a practice that gives me a sense of agency. A catalyst to taking action to make the changes I want to see in my life.